Reclaiming Love After 40: When Desire Looks Different
By Michelle Lawson
Love in the second half of life is an entirely different experience - deeper, wiser, gentler, bolder and far more honest than anything we were capable of in our twenties or thirties.
We’re not here to perform anymore. We’re here to connect.
After twenty years of marriage and a divorce that forced me to confront the pieces of myself I’d tucked away, I found myself Googling, “What does dating look like now?”
Spoiler alert:
It looks like a complete rediscovery of who you are, what you want and how deeply you’re willing to be seen. This is the story of how I found myself again and how love evolved with me.
Starting Over Isn’t Really Starting Over
When my marriage ended, I wasn’t just single. I was disoriented. I had spent decades identifying as a wife, a mother, a partner and suddenly I had to rediscover who I was as a woman.
I didn’t have boundaries. I didn’t have clarity. I didn’t even know what I wanted, only what I didn’t want.
And the dating world? Whew. It was humbling. After a few heartbreaks and some honest mirror moments, I realized something powerful:
If I didn’t know what I wanted, I would keep attracting what I didn’t.
So I did what any spreadsheet-loving, emotionally-aware woman would do, I got on my computer and opened Excel.
I listed out:
- What I wanted to give
- What I wanted to receive
- What I wanted to experience
- How I wanted love to feel
- And the energy I wanted in a partner
Including one major non-negotiable:
A man who doesn’t raise his voice.
Eighteen months later, the man I had written about walked into my life — not because I found him, but because I finally became the woman who could attract that kind of love.
Love Through the Decades
The truth is, love changes as we change.
β€οΈ 20s: Discovery & Passion -- Love is chemistry, adventure, and figuring out who you are — with another person and on your own.
π 30s: Building & Balancing - Love becomes partnership. You’re raising kids, building careers, creating foundations, and trying desperately to keep connection alive through the noise.
π 40s: Reconnection & Realignment - Love becomes truth. It’s less about potential and more about alignment. More honesty. More depth. More desire to feel understood, not just chosen.
π 50s: Reflection & Renewal - Love becomes companionship, laughter, softness. It’s romance reborn without pressure.
π 60s+: Wisdom & Ease - Love becomes home; tender, playful, grounded, and grateful.
Every decade teaches us something about who we are in love and who we refuse to be anymore.
Post-Divorce Love: The Era of Conscious Connection
When you love after 40, especially after divorce, you love differently. You love with awareness. With boundaries. With a calmer, wiser heart.
Here’s what matters now:
1. Authenticity Over Appearance
No more pretending. No more shrinking. No more performing roles. You want someone who meets you exactly as you are; quirks, wounds, brilliance and all.
2. Emotional Intimacy as Foreplay
Desire stops being about adrenaline. It becomes about safety. Presence. Trust. Deep conversation. Shared laughter. Being understood.
3. Physical Intimacy Reimagined
Bodies change. Desires shift. Shame dissolves. And what’s left is a more intentional, sensual, embodied connection. It’s not about performance, it’s about presence.
4. Independence Meets Interdependence
After surviving heartbreak, you know you can stand alone. So when you choose someone now, it’s not from need, it’s from truth.
5. Ease Over Chaos
At this stage? If it’s chaotic, unpredictable or emotionally unsafe. It’s a no. Love becomes partnership, peace, and laughter — not drama.
Falling Upward Into Love
In the book, "Falling Upward", Richard Rohr talks about how the first half of life is about building identity, career, marriage, all the outer things.
But the second half? It’s about meaning. It’s about falling forward into depth, presence, wisdom, and soul.
And that is exactly what love becomes after 40. Not a performance. Not a rescue mission. Not a box to check. But an awakening.
Reclaiming Yourself
This chapter, this second half, is about reclaiming:
- Your voice
- Your desire
- Your truth
- Your boundaries
- Your softness
- Your pleasure
You don’t need to be chosen. You need to be known. Loved for who you are now, not who you used to be.
β¨ A Closing Reflection
If you’re navigating love after divorce, starting over in midlife, or trying to understand what partnership looks like now:
You’re not behind.
You’re not broken.
You’re not too late.
You’re not broken.
You’re not too late.
You’re simply entering the most conscious, embodied, awakened season of love you’ve ever had. And you deserve every bit of it.
π§ Watch the Full Episode:
"Reclaiming Love After 40 — When Desire Looks Different”
Now streaming on Spotify, Apple or your favorite app.
π¬ Let’s Talk About It
DM me after you listen.
Share this with a sister or your partner.
Let’s take the masks off together.
Share this with a sister or your partner.
Let’s take the masks off together.
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The Message You Leave in This World
Let’s be real, you’re gonna leave a message in this world whether you mean to or not.
Every post, every silence, every boundary, every word you say (or don’t); it’s all saying something about who you are and what you stand for.
Every post, every silence, every boundary, every word you say (or don’t); it’s all saying something about who you are and what you stand for.
The real question is - are you saying it on purpose?
The Chapters That Kept Repeating
There were so many chapters in my life that I swore would change everything. New people. New jobs. New beginnings. But every time, the story ended the same. Why? Because I was still playing a version of myself I thought I had to be instead of the woman I actually am.
It wasn’t until I chose to truly live as me unapologetically that the pattern finally broke.
That’s when I found my message: Embodied Freedom.
Freedom that starts in the body, not the mind. It’s that deep exhale when you stop performing and start living.
When the World Gets Loud
This past week, I hit a boiling point.
I broke my own rule and went off on Facebook because the noise, the ignorance, the blind faith in talking points instead of truth just got to me.
I’m tired of the two sides of politics. Tired of people picking teams instead of picking compassion. Tired of a world that confuses opinions for facts.
And under all that anger was something much deeper: I just want everyone to feel safe.
I want compassion and love for all no matter who you are or where you come from.
That’s what Embodied Freedom really is to me - living from love, not fear.
It’s the energy of Jesus before religion got in the way: Love your neighbor. Feed the hungry. Lift up the poor.
Jesus was radical compassion. He was the embodiment of love in action.
Jesus was radical compassion. He was the embodiment of love in action.
What I Learned in the Reflection
Here’s the truth, I didn’t handle it well. My intention was awareness, not politics.But I let anger lead instead of love. And it took someone else’s honesty and my own reflection to see it.
Because what I want to elevate in this world isn’t division. It’s empathy.
If you haven’t seen it, go watch Brené Brown’s short video on empathy vs. sympathy.
Empathy is standing with someone in their story, not above them trying to fix it.
That’s the energy I want to live from.
Finding Your Message
So let me ask you this: What message are you leaving behind?
Every one of us carries something the world needs to feel through us, our pain, our power, our pleasure.
That’s our curriculum. That’s where our wisdom lives.
That’s our curriculum. That’s where our wisdom lives.
And your message doesn’t have to sound like anyone else’s. It’s shaped by the way you learn, create, and express.
That’s why I always consider learning styles in my work because how you process life is how you naturally teach it.
If you learn through feeling, your message will live in connection and emotion.
If you learn through thinking, it’s clarity and truth.
If you learn through creating, it’s beauty and expression.
If you learn through feeling, your message will live in connection and emotion.
If you learn through thinking, it’s clarity and truth.
If you learn through creating, it’s beauty and expression.
Your learning style becomes your leadership style.
You don’t have to copy anyone, you just have to know how you move, how you express, and how you embody your truth.
You don’t have to copy anyone, you just have to know how you move, how you express, and how you embody your truth.
Living the Message Every Day
Your message isn’t just a quote on a wall, it’s a lifestyle.It’s how you treat people. How you hold yourself when no one’s watching.How you create, love, and lead.It’s not found in perfection, it’s found in presence. In the way you breathe, pause, and choose to show up again and again.
Because when your message becomes your energy, people feel it without you saying a word.
You’re not here to fit the algorithm. You’re here to shift the energy.
My Message
Mine is Embodied Freedom.
Freedom to be human. To feel. To love. To live wide open. To show up with compassion and curiosity, even when it’s hard.
And when I help others find their message through body, creation, or coaching, it’s not about strategy. It’s about helping them come home to their truth.
Because when a woman remembers her power, the world heals a little more. π
Journal Prompt
If you could leave one message behind, a truth that outlives you, what would it be?
Embodiment Practice
- Take a deep breath and place one hand on your heart, one on your belly.
- Speak your message out loud.
- Feel where it lands in your body.
- That’s where your truth lives.
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Final Thoughts & Soul Work
This week, I want you to:
β¨ Get curious about your Erotic Blueprint.
β¨ Ask yourself: What do I like? What do I need?
β¨ Speak one truth even if your voice shakes.
Because you don’t have to be perfect to be powerful. You just have to be honest.
π§ Watch the Full Episode:
"Live Your Message"
Now streaming on Spotify, Apple or your favorite app.
π¬ Let’s Talk About It
DM me after you listen.
Share this with a sister or your partner.
Let’s take the masks off together.
Share this with a sister or your partner.
Let’s take the masks off together.
π Want More Like This?
If this post stirred something in you don’t stop here.
Join my newsletter and receive:
- Monthly insights and soulful stories
- Tools to reconnect with your body, truth, and feminine essence
- Exclusive invites, meditations, and embodiment rituals
β¨ Join the movement of women reclaiming their voice, pleasure and power.
π Click here to subscribe to the Embodied Living newsletter
Did you enjoy what you read here? If you did, share it with a friend.
If you would like more about the Embodied Living Course, click below
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