Afraid to Talk About S*x? Why We Hide in the Bedroom.

Let’s talk about something that still makes a lot of women squirm…

Sex.

Or more specifically, the silence, shame, and masks we wear in the bedroom.

This episode (and this post) is for the woman who’s ever thought:
“Maybe we’re just not compatible…”
But deep down, she knows that’s not the full truth.

Why I'm Finally Pulling the Covers Back

When I was 11, I discovered a gift.
Not the kind of gift a preteen wants.
I could talk about sex — and somehow, I just knew things.
I had no experience, but I could offer insight, comfort, and truth to people in a way they needed to hear.

But I learned quickly: this gift wasn’t “normal.”
I was made fun of. Teased. Silenced.
So I did what many of us do… I hid it.

But I’m done hiding.
And I want you to be done too.

The Masks We Wear in Bed

Here’s what I know:

We wear masks in bed all the time.

The Cool Girl. The Pleaser. The Performer.

The Cool Girl says yes to things she doesn’t actually want — just to feel accepted. To feel chosen. But that “yes” often leads to shame and disconnection.
The Pleaser believes if she just gives enough, she’ll be seen as valuable. But with takers, giving never leads to receiving. It just creates depletion.
The Performer fakes orgasms, sounds, responses — because it feels safer than showing her real self. She puts on a show but feels hollow inside.

And the root of all these masks?
Shame.

We are ashamed of our pleasure. Of being “too much.” Of not being enough. Of not being the right kind of sexual woman.

And that shame didn’t start in the bedroom. It started in childhood. In our families. In our churches. In our peer groups.

We were taught to be desired, but not to desire. We were told to be sexy, but not sexual.

Even small things, a joke a partner made, a look, a rejection, a silence, they all lodge in our nervous system.

They all reinforce that our pleasure isn’t welcome here.

The Myth of “We’re Just Not Compatible”

Let’s be honest.
How many of you have been told:
“We’re just not sexually compatible.”

Or maybe… you’ve said it yourself.

But what’s really being said?

“I want you to fuck like I want to be fucked. I don’t care about your needs.”
“I don’t know what you like, and I’m too afraid to ask.”
“I don’t even know what I like.”
“I don’t know what an Erotic Blueprint is or why it even matters.”

We use “compatibility” to hide our fear of communication.
Our fear of being fully seen.

But behind that fear is the doorway to real intimacy.

Understanding the Erotic Blueprints Changed Everything

I’m certified in the Erotic Blueprints and had the privilege of learning directly from the creator, Jaiya (you might’ve seen her on Sex, Love, and Goop on Netflix — or read her book Your Blueprint Pleasure).

I didn’t know I was a Sexual/Sensual blend until I explored the Blueprints. And it shifted everything in my relationship.

My partner is a strong Sensual. Knowing this changed the way we make love.

Sometimes, my Sexual side wants intensity — visuals, nudity, penetration, primal connection. Other times, I want the Sensual tenderness — soft music, slow touch, emotional presence.

Because we talk. Because we’re curious. Because we honor our Blueprints, our sex life moves from “just physical” to transcendent.

What’s Your Blueprint?

You might be:

Energetic
Sensual
Sexual
Kinky
Shapeshifter

Most people are a blend, with a dominant one.

And here’s the thing: None of them are wrong. Each has a superpower. Each has a shadow, often shaped by trauma, shame, or cultural conditioning.

Knowing your Blueprint is like getting a map back to your body. A way to come home and invite your partner in.

Why We Hide

We hide because we were taught to. We hide because someone once mocked our sounds, our body, our desires. We hide because we’re afraid that our truth might be rejected.
But when we stay hidden, we’re the ones rejecting ourselves.

You don’t have to perform. You don’t have to be “low maintenance.” You don’t have to dim yourself to be loved.